Pheromone power: It's all in the Nose!

Pheromones are more powerful than you would think. Never mind checking out how someone looks in their jeans - When it comes to choosing a partner, are we at the mercy of generations of our very own genes - or so the scientists say. Researchers studying the science of 'who we fancy' draw on evolutionary theory to explain the way humans pick partners. Apparently it is to our advantage to mate with somebody with the best possible genes, ensuring that we have healthy kids, who will pass our own genes on for generations to come.

Attract women pheromones:

Pheromones come into play when we look at a potential mate, as we are assessing whether we would like our children to have their genes. Scientifically speaking, pheromones are airborne chemical signals which can affect the behaviour of members of the same species without anyone being aware they’re at work. Tricky. Starting with the basics: the term pheromone is a blend of the Greek words pherein, meaning "transfer", and hormone, meaning "excite".

In 1995, Claus Wedekind of the University of Bern in Switzerland asked a group of women to smell some unwashed t-shirts worn by different men. (And lets hope they were getting well compensated for this unsavoury task.) What he discovered was that women consistently preferred the smell of men whose immune systems were different from their own. More worryingly, at the University of Chicago, Dr Martha McClintock has shown in her own sweaty t-shirt study that what women want most is a man who smells similar to her father, for a tried and tested immune system.

Chicago neurologist Alan Hirsch rated male response to various smells by measuring changes in penile blood flow and found that food outperformed perfumes. The food highest on the rating list included cinnamon buns, roast meat and cheese pizza, chocolate, vanilla and peppermint. In some cases the average increase of penile blood flow was 40%!

And who said men don't think with their ... er, noses.

What do you do when she 'flirts on your turf'?

How dare she flirt with MY man! 

She and he are deep in conversation. She is flashing her eyes, twirling her hair, pouting, lip licking and touching him. She's giving out all the signals of a woman on the prowl and she's with YOUR man! What do you do?

What I am about to suggest won't be found in any book of rules...but in my experience, it's many times more empowering for all concerned... 
First of all he might be your man but he isn't YOUR man. You don't own him. He's a person you are interacting with on a social and probably sexual basis. He is a person you are having a relationship with. He is a human being who belongs to himself, just as you do to yourself. And he is choosing to be with you as you are choosing to be with him. 

I'd consider it flattering that someone else was so interested in the man I am with. It would confirm my good taste. I'd be pleased that such a man has chosen to be with me! And don't for a moment think I get my self worth from this. I get that from me! This is a bonus!

He's taken - I want him! 

This year, biologist Lee Dugatkin and psychologist Michael Cunningham came out with some fascinating information on patterns of attraction. The studies they carried out over several years on birds and then humans [our mating rituals bear many similarities to those of birds] indicated that when a man is 'partnered' his attraction ratings go up considerably compared to when he is 'single'.

This means other women will fancy your man. It's a part of our primitive programming because deep in our psyche we are primed to sense that 'if other people are attracted to him he must have something worth having' He's been pre-screened by someone else!! And if she's attractive, that makes him even more of a 'catch'.

Flirt with him first 

It's one of life's joys to be able to flirt with the man in your life. It's the keynote to keeping your relationship fresh and exciting. If someone was 'over-flirting' with my man, I'd probably find some subtle [or not so subtle!] way to remind him of all the good things he's got with me! I'd just make sure I flirted with him even more than she did and before she even started!!!! But I wouldn't ever deny who I am, just to make him like me more. Whatever you do has to come from a deep-rooted good feeling about the man you are with.

I'd flirt with all my feminine wiles and all the information I have about what he turns him on. After all, if you've been intimate with him, you will probably know what gets him passionate and hot! Flirt sexually with him - he'll love you for it. He'll feel good. Believe me, men love to be wanted!

Show your desire
Men are vulnerable just as we are. They long for a woman to express her desire for him. We never stop talking about how we want a man to pay us compliments, tell us we're beautiful, make us feel good. So why shouldn't we go first and give him a taste of how good it feels.

Show him he's wanted, not by nagging and hassling or by acting jealously, but by demonstrating your desire and flirting using all that you know about his wants and likes to draw him to you...mmmm

It's a big mistake to think that after a few dates you've now officially got a 'boyfriend' and that's it. It isn't. Most men are susceptible to womanly wiles. They are biologically programmed to spread their seed far and wide! Despite the influence of current social programmes, human beings can be led by their primitive programming. Men are programmed to look around. 

Natural radar for women                     

He'll be attracted by women all the time. Be glad that he's got this radar for attractive women-he's obviously a red-blooded heterosexual male! Smile and feel good when you see your man admiring a girl and if she's attractive, be honest and agree either to yourself or tell him. If you start to think of her as competition, he'll unconsciously sense it from your voice tone and your minute body language signals.

Feel good that you are with someone that other people desire - he chose you.

Let him look and enjoy it. It's natural. If he is having the time of his life with you, if you are being yourself with him and loving it and if you allow him to be who he is, he probably won't stray. And if he does, that’s another story…and there are ways of handling that too. Above all be true to what makes you feel good and be flexible within those limits.

And haven't you ever enjoyed being flirted with by some very charming man. I like it if 'my' man is chased by women, it just confirms what I already know. Of course if you act this way, don't be surprised if he is more laid back about your encounters. And don't kid yourself that a jealous man is great because it reaffirms how much he cares. It doesn't. It re-affirms how insecure he is and that's all!!

Relationships aren't prisons or schools full of rules about what you can't do. Relationships should be playpens that each person enters into just to have a great time with the other person.


The turn-off scowl 

If some woman is constantly flirting with your boyfriend, don’t go all whiney and angry. That's guaranteed to make you look highly undesirable. Men hate that! They may have different tolerance levels for it, but underneath a man wants a woman who brings peace to his life together with excitement, passion and understanding.

When you scowl inside or out even if you have the 'prettiest' face - you will look ugly. And forget about doing the big bitch put down on her. He will watch you and shudder as he imagines you doing it to him someday.

Instead, summon up what makes you feel good about yourself, what you love about him and like this flirt with him . It’s your right to flirt with your boyfriend, wildly and wantonly! You can whisper in his ear and be more intimate physically with him than she will probably dare to. I’m assuming here that you have had sex with this man. [If you haven’t decide quickly?he may wait but while he’s waiting he’ll be roving and much, much more open. And if you do decide to, do it only because you really WANT him, not because you want him to like you or afraid of losing him..  

Purr and moan

You have shared exciting, intimate moments. You have the power to activate his sexual driver. Use it! Perhaps a word will trigger off his memories, or maybe a touch. Whatever it is use it. Knowing how much YOU want him, coupled with the memories you get him to focus on, will turn him back on to you!

You have some choices. You can also choose to ignore what is going on because you know that you and he are really hot right now. Tell yourself the truth. You can hang out and flirt with people you want to flirt with and know that you’re going home with your man. If he goes off with someone else when he’s out with you you should be glad you got rid of him so quickly! That’s just really bad manners. But if it’s just a dalliance, is it really all that threatening?   

Bitch and Moan                                     

You can act aggressively and accuse him and bitch about her. Sometimes he might not have picked up the signals, even if they are obvious. And if he denies it, it might be because we all tend to go to the defensive when someone accuses us. You can choose this way, and if you do I guarantee you're going to feel like shit overall! It's a bad choice and it doesn't work. You'll alienate him. Either you learn to live with and enjoy the fact you are with an attractive man and women will chase him or give him up.

If you start to feel bad and insecure and unsure of him, ask yourself who's in charge of your feelings? What makes you see this as a threat?

She's a human being

You can do what my friend Janey did early on in her relationship with the guy she later married. She saw him in a highly flirtatious conversation with an attractive woman so she ambled over naturally and just joined in the conversation. People do this at parties all the time! She didn't say who she was, she just joined in and was her scintillating self and eventually the woman just moved away naturally.

If you do decide to join in, don't stand there menacingly. You are just having a conversation.  Be your wonderful flirtatious self with him especially AND with her. Be interested in her.

If she's gorgeous, tell her. Pay HER a compliment and mean it. I can see why he is talking to you, you抮e absolutely gorgeous. Try it.. in your own words. The only thing is, you have to mean it. It feels good, believe me. Your boyfriend will see you in a superb light. He will feel warm towards you.

In your own words, you could tell her how you admire flirtatious women. You could tell her it's wonderful to see a woman expressing herself. You could ask her how she does it? You could form a female camaraderie with her. Adopt any of these tactics and she抯 much less likely to pursue your man.

Be exactly what no one expects you to be in these circumstances secure, friendly, flirtatious and glowing!

Letting go gracefully and happily 

The challenge and the learning for you is to become content enough about who you are so that if he does have women flocking to him you can see the positive side of it. You also need to be secure enough to tell yourself that if were to go off with someone else that's just the way it goes. Regret is a loser's game.

Instead you can find different ways to frame it.

Perhaps he just wasn't for you in the first place? Be glad! You got a lucky escape early on in the
game ?closing down longer term relationships and going through divorce can be messy. If you aren't desperate, you'll know there's someone waiting for you that will be right for that time.

Perhaps you were expecting more than you'd let on to him? Next time be honest about what you want?

If it's you he wants... 

And if he comes home with you at the end of the day despite the 'traps' set by honey-pot, temptingly flirtatious women, and he wants to be with you, holding you and wanting you, then this other woman's interest may just have kindled even more desire in him and good feelings at being wanted, that you will enjoy an extra special evening together. Mmmm that's kind of a nice thought isn't it!

I remember someone meeting my man and saying 慔e抯 special, hang on to him? I thought at the time that's a bit of a toxic story 慺ind a man and hang on to him?nbsp;

I prefer to to demonstrate constantly to him how happy I am being with him. I wouldn't be with him if I feel unhappy. Let him know what you like about him. Men like compliments too. If you genuinely admire something about him, tell him. Tell him when he抯 been successful, tell him when he looks good and tell him when he does something you like.

Make him feel good, let him go and remind him of what抯 waiting for him when he comes back... and he will!

Men don't function well in cages any more than we do. Ask yourself are you truly able to let go and set him free. There's a lot of truth in that old story about setting the bird free and it flying back to the cage because it wants too. The bird that isn't encouraged to fly, and do what comes naturally will be constantly dreaming of those soaring heights and freedom and not on looking forward to coming back to you...

What is Flirting ?

The dictionary on my bookshelf defines flirting as "Behaving or acting amorously without emotional commitment." Well, that's one definition but, like me, you probably realise that there are also many other definitions of flirting. I have chosen a very generic definition of flirting on which to base my creation of the Flirting Weekend. This is because I feel it is important for people to realise that flirting can be a natural way of communicating with anyone as well as a way of communicating either amorous or sexual interest or both! 

Flirt4free

I recently discovered that the word 'flirting' has its roots in the old French word 'fleurter' meaning 'to flower' I like that. Here's my definition.

Flirting is shining your inner light via your words and deeds in such a way that people are irresistibly drawn to you.

Flirting is a natural gift that we have had from birth. Babies flirt wildly with everyone that comes their way. Unfortunately many adults seem to have lost this wonderful ability. Somewhere along the line we were [wrongly in my opinion] told that it was bad to draw attention to ourselves that little children should be seen and not heard. Some people have grown into adults that are neither seen nor heard. But there is hope you can learn to flirt again.

Flirting is a signaling mechanism that was bestowed upon us by nature. It is a communication tool. Sigmund Freud said that we leak the truth from every pore. We all have patterns of physical reaction that we exhibit. The secret is knowing the patterns of others and being aware of our patterns. For example it is useful to be known what reaction certain behaviours you do create in others. The reaction might be very different to the reaction you are intending to create. We are all gifted with the ability to signal. Many of us need to learn to read how our signals affect others and what signals we can send out to convey certain messages. This goes hand in hand with the ability to decipher other people's signals.

Flirting is our natural way of expressing interest in people. A smile bestowed here, a shared giggle or a word exchanged in the supermarket line can be a powerful thing. Flirting can be a prelude to friendship or a prelude to mating. Once you know how to do it you can choose how to use it. Great flirts do it with everyone, babies, men, women dogs and cats. People who flirt well get what they want in life because they know how to create good feelings in other people.

I am a natural flirt – I love communicating and I find myself initiating conversation with strangers wherever I go.

When I go outside in the world I get an overwhelming sense of possibility and anticipation. I know that I have the opportunity to connect with someone new each day. When I encounter someone who looks good I often turn round and say ‘great dress’ or 'neat tie' as I pass by.. Sometimes I place my hand on someone’s shoulder or tap them on the arm and say ‘I just wanted to say – you have lovely hair’. I have NEVER had a rebuff. Quite the contrary. The warm smile that comes over the faces of people I encounter gives me a real buzz. And it costs absolutely nothing.

One word of warning. It’s no use telling a grossly overweight person what a lovely trim figure they have! People can spot insincerity a mile off. I always make sure to compliment only those attributes or adornments that I really do like.

I go running sometimes on the seafront. I just enjoy smiling and saying 'hi' or 'good morning' to EVERYONE I meet. I know that someone will take that smile and pass it on to someone else...who knows what positive knock-on consequences it might have.

Life goes at a fast pace and many of us are rushing around with our heads full of what we have to do, what we haven't done, what's bothering us, what we want to happen. It's too easy to get caught up in our own inner world. Every so often it's important to come outside, pay attention to what's going on in the world and acknowledge that we all share the same planet and a kind word or a genuine smile goes a long way to maintaining our membership of the human race as opposed to becoming merely a human racing!

P.S. - Peta Heskell is author of the book Flirt Coach published in the USA by Harper  Collins/Thorsons in June 01. She runs the UK Flirting Academy, and coaches clients privately. She is a frequent media guest in the UK and has run workshops in Florida and Amsterdam, Netherlands. You can access her website at:www.flirtcoach.com

Is He Flirting With Me?

Question:

I am terrible at reading signs from men. I never seem to know if they are flirting with me or just being friendly. How can I tell if a man is flirting with me or not? Are there some sure fire signs that maybe I can look for?
~ Evangeline (28)

Male Body Language Flirting:

Answer:

For starters, even though a man might be flirting with you, it doesn't necessarily mean anything. Flirting is a nice way for people to be playful and have fun. However, there are some signals that you can send that will help let a man know you're interested while allowing the two of you the pleasure of him pursuing you.

1. Smiling is essential for a man who has sensitivity. Without a smile he assumes you're not interested and he doesn't want to be pushy or risk a rude put-down.
2. Eye contact that lasts just a little longer than is comfortable. Watch how you want to drop your eyes when you look at a man you find attractive. Begin to allow that look to linger...just a little longer, with a hint of a smile. Definitely sends a message but yet keeps it feminine, which men love.

3. In conversation, touch his arm a couple of times. That breaks that barriar and releases the tension that's caused when two people are attracted but not quite sure where they stand. Do it casually in conversation, maybe laughiing at something he's said. Just lean into that laugh and touch his forearm, in a way that says, "Oh you silly, that's very funny." If you're not sure, watch how other women do it. It should be absolutely natural. Practice on friends. Actually, practice all these things, the smiling, the eye contact and touchiing on people with whom there is no pressure, people you are not attracted to.
4. Ask questions that get them to talk about themselves...then listen. The best conversationalist is a good listener. Go to The Friendship Game at the botton of the left menu and use those questions to get men to talk more personally about themselves. They'll think you're marvelous and quite witty.
   
   
   
   
   
   
5. Online, the same thing about listening applies. Ask great questions then appreciate them for sharing.
6. Online and in general, don't go into very much detail about your crazy side, if you have one. A man doesn't want to think you turn into a monster before your period, or that you can't get along with anyone. What men are looking for are attractive women (you don't know how un-fussy they are), who are happy, self-assured, comfortable with themselves, and enjoy being women. That's all. Oh yes, and a woman who isn't angry at men, appreciates them, and makes them feel special and needed...like a man.
7. Online and in general, don't ever be crass unless you want to be treated disrespectfully. Don't swear and don't lose control. Be a lady and you'll go far.

P.S. - This article was written by Kara Oh and was 

original published at: http://www.alluringyou.com, Kare Oh is author of "Men Made Easy"

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The Art of Flirting

Flirting is the way most people determine whether or not a member of the opposite sex is interested in them. Following is a quick outline on how you should go about the complex, sometimes fun, sometimes not so fun, task of flirting. It all begins with your approach.

Flirting Tips for Teenagers:

The Approach

One person approaches the other. They move into closer physical proximity. This much is clear: NO approach equals NO possibility of initiating contact. You must approach!

Example: A woman sits down next to a man in a coffee shop, or a man stands near a woman in a dance club. This is the first step. Once you approach, you begin looking for the signs.

The Signs

The person who has been approached will always signal the other’s presence in some way… a sign. This signal is not like a train whistle, however, more a subtle body language which you can learn to recognize. For example, he or she simply may look up, move over to make room, nod slightly, or signal with a glancing eye contact.

A display of total obliviousness to the one who is approaching generally indicates lack of interest altogether. Don’t be discouraged. But if the one you approached shows absolutely no interest, then it’s time to re-group and try again. But let’s say the approach works. You have your positive acknowledgement, now what? Time to talk.

The Verbal Exchange

The two people may then engage in a mild verbal exchange about impersonal, unimportant matters such as the weather or the scene around them. The key word here is MILD.

This is the classic place for the clever "line", but cleverness is not required. At this point, a verbal exchange is not for the purpose of sharing valuable insights about life or determining philosophical compatibility. It is just a vehicle to further the developing contact.

Examples: Verbal overtures might include anything from "please pass the pickles" to "your looking great tonight", to "have you seen the waitress?". Without some form of verbal response, it is highly unlikely that the next step will occur. Let’s say all is going as planned. Time for body language.

Body Language

Over a period of time, a couple that has begun to talk may also begin to orient themselves physically to one another, to turn toward one another until, if all is goes well, they are fully facing one another. This is your goal.

This step can take minutes or hours… or weeks or months… to achieve. Yet, without this physical reorientation toward one another, not very much can ever happen, so give up on people who turn their back toward you for long periods of time! But if they don’t…

Touching

The woman or the man (most often the woman) touches the other in a light, fleeting way. Examples: A couple might accidentally brush their hands against one another while reaching for a drink, or the woman might pat the man on the arm in the middle of a shared joke. The exchange of very subtle, almost glancing touches may continue for some while, and if all goes well, can escalate into the casual affections shown by couples who are dating. If you’ve reached this point, then flirting has now become the beginning of a relationship. The Art of Flirting should always end with the beginning of a relationship. Now get out there and flirt.

The Art of Flirting is really the Art of making first contact. You only have one shot at making a great first impression. By following some of the guidelines we’ve established in this article, you should now be equipped to locate, approach, and ascertain whether or not your subtle flirting has opened the doors to a new and exciting relationship.

P.S. - My name is Joe Vetromile, and I’m an author/screenwriter living in So. California. I’ve written hundreds of articles on the subjects of flirting, dating and breaking-up. Besides having first hand experience with all three, my research on the art of dating confirms to me that while the ritual of hooking up with a soul-mate may be arduous at times, the end result of finding that perfect someone to share the rest of your life with, is well worth the effort.

Joe Vetromile writes for DrDating – a web site for anyone looking for love online. We have hundreds of articles, E-Books and links to some great dating and love sites all over the world. DrDating also offers reviews of some of the most popular dating sites and books.
http://www.drdating.com/

Flirting Signals for Women

Now, let's get down to business, ladies...
Give Clear Signals: Men are notoriously bad at interpreting signals from women. Know what you want when you flirt and make sure your signals are clear and that they convey what you mean. It’s not fair to flirt with someone for the fun of it, unless they are obviously flirty themselves. Flirting for fun is fine when you know someone a little better. If you genuinely want to meet people then, by all means, flirt.  However, if that is the case, then you should make sure that you know how to separate the sexual flirting signals from the 'hi, I'm friendly' flirting signals. 

Great Attitudes Are Attractive:  People love being around charismatic people because they spread good feelings. Get yourself into the right attitude for flirting and go for it. Feel good about yourself and others will feel good about you in return.

Glamorous Clothes & Accesories Draw Attention:  If you want someone to approach you, be sure to wear or carry something that is eye-catching and noticeable to you (e.g. jewelry, knit sweater,  . You will be surprised how much easier it is to go up to someone and ask a question about something unique or attractive that they are wearing.

Getting Situated to be Approachable:  Separate yourself from your friends.  If you go out with a group of friends or even one girlfriend, make sure you separate from them so that you are more approachable.  However, use good discernment in regard to safety.  No man wants to be rejected in front of a group of women, and he may well feel he cannot approach you when you are ‘protected’ by a herd of other women! 


Greeting Him with a Nice Voice:  Check your voice.  Does your voice sound like a dental drill or do you wash people in waves of sensual sound?  It doesn't have to sound sexy, but it should at least sound feminine, warm, and inviting.

"Get-lost-nerd" Statements Should Be Avoided:  If you are not interested, be polite when rejecting a man.  ‘Get lost nerd’ is not the way to say "No."   Men who approach women may do so clumsily. If you are not interested, make it clear and be polite. It can be very difficult to get up the courage to approach a woman. Refuse someone in the way you would appreciate being turned down yourself. If you are sure someone is not for you you can say "I am sure you will find someone who is right for you, but I am sorry I don’t think it’s me."

Get Noticed By Being Interested:  Cut down the talk about yourself and ask him open ended questions. Find out about him.  Men love to talk about themselves and feel flattered when a female shows an interest in them. This also gives him the cue that you like to know a little about him before exchanging numbers or accepting a date.

Generate Enthusiasm for His Interests:  Ask him what he enjoys doing.  Women and men often tend to fall back on the line ‘What do you do’?  To some men, this may seem like you are ‘checking for wallet padding’.  Alternatively, not everyone is doing the work they love and the question may put them on the spot.  Men are much more activity orientated whereas women like to talk about emotions.  Asking them what they enjoy doing in their life will allow find out more about what makes them tick.

Giving Out Information:  If you give out your number, give the genuine one.  Carry a personal or business card to hand out.  This way you know that when you give out your phone number you either give out the genuine one or not at all. Imagine what it must feel like plucking up the courage to dial a woman’s number only to find it is the a local gas station. 

Go for It:  Make the first move!  The vast majority of men would love to be approached by a woman.  If women are looking for equality then it is only fair that they do their share of the asking.  It will also give you an opportunity to understand what men have to go through when making a first approach.

Flirting Signals for the Women...

Dr. Monica Moore of St Louis Missouri spent 2,000 hours observing how it is that women flirt.  She found that those who get the most response from men are the ones who send out the most signals.  Women who gave out more than 35 displays of flirting signals per hour got about 4 approaches. The more variety the women used, the more approaches they got.  Some of the signals that Moore noticed were: the darting glance, short and sustained gazing, primping and preening, smiling, lip licking, pouting, giggling, laughing, and nodding.

--Here are some of the types of flirting that the were used by the women in this experiment...

1. Seek and Zoom In Flirting:  Women begin with a gaze and look around the room followed by a short darting glance at the prospect, looking away quickly, looking back, and then looking away again. 
2. Scatter Flirting:  Some women flirt alternately with several different men at the same time until they got a positive response from one of them. 
3. Look-at-me Flirting:  Women can hike up their skirts to show more leg to a particular man.  When men they are not targeting notice, they can pull down their skirts until the one they are targeting responds.
   Go-for-it Flirting: Should these clear signals fail, some women will resort to one, final act of desperation by parading across the room towards their target, swaying their hips (look at what a good reproductive body I have!), thrusting out their breasts (I can feed your children!) with their head held high.
   Flirting is Fun       
   Flirt:-To make playfully romantic or sexual overtures.
   Flirting Is Not...
   
4. Venting: Starting a conversation by complaining about something.  No one is attracted to a whiner.
5. Self-serving: Talking loudly so as to draw attention to yourself.  Remember, it also draws as much attention to the one to whom you are loudly talking.
6. Being Impatient: Asking for a date on the spot as others are rarely willing to accept such an offer from a stranger or mild aquaintance.
7. Unrealistic Expectations: Buying someone a drink and then expecting them to spend the night with you.
8. Sexual Harrassment: Not as long as there is no actual physical contact or touching.
9. Being Too Familiar: A means to frustrate or tease others (e.g. a woman who flirts seductively with no intention of going any further).
10. Too Obvious: Wearing overtly sexy clothing to gain attention unless it is sex that you are genuinely wanting.
11. Self-centered: A great excuse to talk about yourself to someone who really wants to get away as fast as they possibly can.
12. Giving Up: Something you should give up on because you get rejected several times.

Keep working at it.  In fact, should you decide to read on, we might be able to give you some good advise and tips.....

Flirting Is...

1. Being Complimentary:  Look for an opportunity to complement the person with whom you are flirting.  Imagine what it would like to be on the receiving end of your compliment to determine if it would make you feel good or not.  Having made the compliment, withdraw to see what kind of response you get.  Avoid sexual compliments at first.  The best things to compliment are clothing, jewelry, hair styles, new car, his/her smile, and accomplishments.
2. Being Conversational:  Be aware of the world around you and be able to discuss news events, issues regarding relationships, and things of interest to the object of your desire.
3. Being Curious: Most people enjoy someone who is genuinely interested in their lives, what kind of work they do, where they got a piece of jewelry, and the options on their new car.  However, avoid any questions that might be too personal.  Wanting to know the size of her breasts at this point could very well elicit a very definite negative reaction.  The point to asking questions is to engage him/her in a conversation.  However, do avoid making it sound like an interview.  Also, be willing to reveal some things about yourself.  The give and take should be mutual for a successful flirtation.
4. Being Clear:  A shy attempt that is misunderstood should be avoided at all cost.  Smile and make direct eye contact.  People need clear signals.  Look into the persons eyes for several seconds, make sure they return your look, smile, and then look away.  Keep doing this until you get a response.  If it is positive, go for it.
   Being Confident:  To be clear when flirting, one must exercise some confidence.  However, avoid coming across as conceited, arrogant, or self-centered.  As they say, "Practice makes perfect," so, even if you fail miserably the first couple of times, try, try, try again.  You'll eventually get good at it and the confidence will come.

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