Flirting Tips for Guys...

Protecting Your Options:  Some men flirt with women primarily to get sex.  However, if you put aside that possibility and flirt just to be friendly you are opening yourself to a wider range of opportunities.  You may well end up with a new lover.  Conversely,  if that doesn’t work out, you could meet someone who becomes a good friend instead and who knows someone that might be more compatible.  Keep your options open. 

Personal Care Is Essential:  Make sure your hair is clean and your body and breath smell good. You don’t have to douse yourself in after-shave.  Take care of personal hygiene at the basic level.  As like seeks like, dirty unwashed people will end up with dirty unwashed people!  Fine if it suits you but if you are looking for something else, have a little class.

Personality Goes a Long Way:  Women love being around charismatic men because they appeal to their best feelings. Get yourself into the right attitude for flirting and go for it.  It takes a little confidence but, then again, practice still makes perfect.

Please Her Without Being Pushy:  When you buy a woman a drink, that is all you are buying.  Don’t expect her to fall at your feet.  Sometimes it is nice just to send someone a drink, watch when they receive it and smile, then look away--then looking back again to show your interest.  Don’t try to get a woman drunk.   Wouldn't it be preferable to have someone desire you genuinely instead of having their senses obliterated by alcohol?

Pick Her Out of a Crowd:  Don’t make the rounds in a group of women.  No woman wants to feel that she is considered to be second best.  Refrain from approaching one after another in the same group.  You'll look like a loser and the women may think you are desperate.  Even if you are, don’t show it. 

Prefer Conversation First:  Concentrate on the conversation, not on getting a date.  Most women want to know what kind of person they are going out with.  Make an effort to get to know her better before diving in for a date.  This way, you will run less risk of being rejected when you do ask her.
Pick Your Compliments Carefully:   Offer her only genuine compliments.  There’s nothing worse than a guy who has a collection of bad lines (Excuse me, I seem to have lost my phone number and was wondering if I could borrow yours).  Instead, notice something about her such as her beautiful nails, her bracelet, or the quality of her voice.  Everyone has something about them worthy of a genuine compliment.

Physical Contact Should Be Limited:  Keep your hands to yourself and respect their space.  Some women have no objection to ‘touchy feely’ encounters, whereas, others are horrified by it.  Touching can be a lovely way to flirt, but should be confined to the arms or resting the hand just above the arms and not touching, until you know each other better. Test the personal space by moving closer, noticing the reactions, and then moving back a little to remove the threat.
Phone Her if She Gives You Her Number:  If you ask for a phone number, be sure you use it.  Flirting and meeting people is not about trophy hunting.  It is about making a new connection and having fun.  If you don't intend to use the number, don't ask.  There’s nothing worse than giving out a phone number and not having someone call.  If you asked for it, use it .
Practice, Practice, Practice:  Be yourself.  There’s no point in assuming a role you think someone wants you to play because you’ll get found out sooner or later.  Be proud of who you are and if you aren’t sure how you are at your best, you might want to do some work on it.

Developing Flirting Techniques for Singles

Admittedly, some people (myself being one of them) seem to be naturally flirtatious.  Their smiles, laughter, and easy manner of relating tends to draw the opposite sex like a magnet. 

Even if you aren't quite comfortable with the concept of flirting, these tips should provide you with the information you need to understand what flirting is, how to flirt, how to be flirted with, and enable you to get out and start flirting up a storm with class and style!

How to flirt how christians flirt:

 

What Exactly Is Flirting and
Why do I Need to Know How to Do It?

Developing the ability to flirt is an essential element in the art of meeting and establishing contact with some of the other 63 million singles in America. Flirting can affirm a woman's feminine charms or make a man feel good about his masculinity. It can really boost your ego and make you feel more attractive, more sensual, more desirable.  Flirting with your date makes him or her feel wanted, exciting and captivating. Your date will feel flattered, appreciated and good about themselves when around  you.  That good feeling will spread and they'll feel pretty darn good about you, too.

Many single men have expressed to me that they view flirting as cruel, a punishment or taunt of some type.  Their opinion is that flirting is a "waste of time" and "shouldn't be done." These guys feel that once a woman flirts with them they are then "owed" something. They view the flirt as a promise!  Now fellas, if this is truly your mindset, let me tell you right now that nobody in this world owes you a thing! If a woman flirts with you, or you flirt with her, it is simply an opportunity for a delightful, fun and entertaining exchange of winks, giggles and light social banter. It doesn't mean that you are guaranteed anything - not a dance, a drink, a date, a relationship or sex!

You can flirt with total strangers,  acquaintences or friends. You can flirt with looks, with words, with sly little touches, or any combination of the above. A flirtation can last for seconds, minutes, or even years. It can lead to more, or nowhere in particular.

I'm Very Shy... How Would I Begin?

Usually you first catch your victim's eye by giving a long, lingering and appreciative stare for about 3-5 seconds.  You might prefer the "coy eye-flirt," where you give several quick glances in succession.  (I have perfected the one eyebrow raised thing, which always brings a smile to a fella's face….he knows what time it is!).  If you aren't quite so daring, you can peep, then look away, drop your eyes, or give him/her a brief amused smile. Usually that will draw them closer, and you can then engage in light conversation, which will enable you to move on to flirting levels 2 and 3!

Level 2 Flirting -- TALKING

Words are easy to use when flirting. Commenting on the color, style or fit of the clothing being worn is great, but often with words it's not so much what you say, BUT HOW YOU SAY IT. Tell her that she has beautiful brown eyes that twinkle when she smiles and I'll bet that lady will smile at you all night! Tell the handsome fella you are talking with how rich and masculine his voice is and how you could listen to him talk all night. Watch him beam with pride! Alternatively, telling a woman that she "has a spread like the Ponderosa" would most likely be interpreted as an insult, and, unless you wanted to be totally ignored, probably won't get you the reaction you were hoping for.

But let's say you were flirting with the intention of catching the eye of someone you ARE interested in dating.  You've got him or her talking to you, it's all good, and you've flirted your hardest.  When do you make your move? I say that given 10-15 minutes of time, you should both know whether or not you are with someone you would want to see again.  If you have been respectful, positive and encouraging during your conversation, the Flirtee should propose that you exchange phone numbers or meet again soon. If not, perhaps you might suggest it. If they decline for any reason, that means they are not interested in pursing the flirtation any further, but did enjoy your company.  At that point you should exit gracefully, consider it a great practice session, and move on to flirt with someone else.  However, if your flirtation works out well, and you do get those digits, move on to Level 3…

Level 3 Flirting - TOUCH

Flirting by touch is great, but must be done with caution. Not everyone is comfortable with being touched by someone they don't know (especially women).  But gently picking "lint" from his jacket sleeve, gently placing your hand in the small of her back as you guide her through the crowd, or touching an arm during conversation to emphasize your point are typical non-threatening ways to flirt with touch.  Leaning in close and brushing against your Flirtee so that he/she gets a good whiff of the cologne you are wearing is another subtle way to touch and get away with it!

Deb's Flirting Rules

1. Avoid flirting with someone else's honey.  You look less than righteous (rather trifling actually), and could really hurt someone's feelings or start something you are not prepared to finish.
2. Don't expect that because someone flirts with you that you are owed their time or anything else. Relax!  Look upon the flirtation as a pleasant way to pass the time.
3. Don't flirt to make someone you are with (or want to be with) jealous. It will most likely backfire and you'll end up looking like a fool.
4. Remember that flirting is subtle.  Overt sexual innuendo (unless it's with your main squeeze) is not flirting… it's a proposition!  Avoid verbal comments or behavior that could be construed as an overt sexual invitation.
5. Lastly, flirt only with the one you really want, not the one that is easy to get.  Often what happens is the one you really want is watching you, and then decides that you weren't really flirting with or interested in them anyway.

Look upon flirting as playful, entertaining fun. Relax! You'll enjoy it so much more and find that the benefits of meeting new men and women far outweigh the initial fears you may have!  ;-)

The Keys to Successful Flirting

1. State reigns supreme. The most important component of a successful flirtation is being in the right mood for flirting. Good flirts are playful, have a sense of fun, adventure and a curiosity about people. When you feel good about yourself, only then can you give this to others. You can learn to use the skills of NLP to make changes in states whenever you need to do something childlike each day, jumping in puddles, smiling for no reason. See people not as something you have to ‘deal with’ but as a gateway to new adventures and 

Flirting Tips for Guys:

2. Let go of the outcome and get it anyway If your main focus is concentrated on what you want, it will show. You may come across as desperate. Instead of worrying whether you will score or make a good impression, focus on what you can give. Ask your self how you can easily make other people feel good. It will return to you once the connection is made. Your brain grows with the repetition of actions as neurons that connect the areas of the brain creating these actions. The neurons become strengthened each time the connection is made. The activity becomes automatic. You will begin to flirt naturally and adapt your style of flirting to the situation.

3. Be yourself. Sigmund Freud, whether you agree with him or not, had a few cool things to say. One of them was "We leak the truth from every pore." Phoneys get discovered sooner or later. If you pretend to be that which you are not, you will very quickly find yourself with less friends, less connections and less opportunities to meet someone who is right for you. Of course, remember how important it is to show yourself in a good light.

4. Feedback v Failure – Bobby Charlton said "if you don’t shoot you won’t score, if you do shoot, you may score, if you never shoot you will never score". People often give up when they don’t get immediate results. Monitor what works and what doesn’t work. If you aren’t getting the results you want, ask yourself what you could do differently that would allow you to. When you believe that there is no failure in life and that whatever result you get is a learning tool, you will succeed. Learn from what doesn’t work and do something different.

5. Monitor and become aware of the effects you have when you flirt. Some women send out signals of overt sexual flirting when all they want is to be friendly. Others send out overtly sexual signals because they want attention. And they will get it. Unfortunately, some of the attention will be unwanted. Practise with your close friends asking them to give you honest feedback. Practise in the mirror. When you begin to understand the effect of what you do, you will be in a position to make changes..

6. The dreaded chat up lines . ‘Give us a good chat up line then’. This is the initial response from a most men when I tell them I teach flirting. Many women will have heard some of these chat-up clichés before. It won’t do you any favours guys. There is no such thing as a ready to wear line. Each ‘line’ should be a genuine sentiment of what happening at the moment. Sometimes the simplest opening gambits are the best. Sometimes by paying attention to the person you want to flirt with and noticing their good points, you will come up with a natural and successful line. And if you can’t think of one saying "hello" with a smile and walking on by with a glance back... is my favourite all time successful line!    

7. Make yourself approachable. When you go out with a group of friends, be sure to separate yourself from them occasionally. The thought of being turned down in front of a crowd might scare off potential suitors. Make sure you look friendly. Sitting like an ice queen/king will not attract people to you. The big freeze is no one’s idea of a turn on. You may unconsciously be giving out ‘no no’ signals when secretly you are lusting for someone to approach you. Check what you are giving off and if it's not getting results you want, adjust it. Ask friends to give you feedback.

8. Accepting compliments, brushing off rejection. Sometimes we store rejection in the place we should reserve for compliments and vice versa. What do you take to heart? Where do you store your rejection and criticism? Do you take it deep inside or do you hold it away from you so that you can look at it objectively and learn from it. You can shrug it off when you have done learning. Where do you store your compliments – Do you throw them off? Or do you take them deep into your heart and glow? Learn to put things in perspective. Look out for compliments, take them in and shrug off rejection. Begin to notice your feelings and where they are located in your body. Simple awareness is sometimes curative.

9. Making the first move. 95% of the men I interviewed said they would love women to approach them. Ladies, you already have taken initiative in many areas of your life. Making the first move doesn’t have to become a habit, and it doesn't have to be a 'Sex and the City' type of approach! It's just an alternative way of doing things. Variety is the spice of life eh? From time to time you can enjoyably make the first move. If you see someone across a room that ‘does something for you’ , make up your mind to connect with that person. Follow your instincts. Too many of us don’t listen to our deeper instincts and miss out on wonderful opportunities.

10. Say 'no' graciously. If you are going to turn someone down, do so graciously. See it as a form of compliment to be asked, even if the man or woman is not your type. If you reject someone viciously or unkindly, other men may notice and you can be sure they will be very wary of approaching the "Medusa’s den". On the other hand, when you reject someone with grace, other people will notice that and may be drawn to your charm and kindness.

11. Personal Space Are you a space invader? You’ve probably encountered those people who get that little bit too close for comfort. No matter how you wriggle, they continue to loom ‘in your face’ Be aware of how others react to you. Test space using gentle moves and calibrate their reactions. Watch the mouth, the eyes, the skin colour. Mouths get larger, lips swell, eyes widen, pupils dilate, skin flushes, changes colour, muscles around the mouth move and vice versa. Become a detective of other people’s signals.

12. Energy Awareness What kind of energy do you live in? Are you a fiery wild type who is always hyper-burning and active? Are you a flowing watery type who sways and sashays or crashes through life, or are you airy fairy, floaty or hurricane-like, or are you earthy, solid deep rooted and passionate. We all MOVE differently.. Just begin to check out people around you. Notice how they move and how they talk, fast, slowly. This is their energy... and when you become aware of it, you can lower or raise yours to pace them and slowly lead them up or down to a place that both of you can communicate in. Ever seen someone talk really fast to someone who talks really slowly... it is an uncomfortable feeling and if we are going to interact with people, we need to make them feel comfortable. One rider here - don't change yourself to BE like them and don't think you can really CHANGE them. If you don't like it and can't lead them to more neutral ground.. LEAVE! 

10 Top Negative Body Languages Signs

1. You lean towards her and she leans back away from you.
2. She starts turning away from you.
3. She doesn't make eye contact with you.
4. She folds her arms across her chest.
5. Double-crosses her legs at the ankle.

Flirting and body language:

6. She touches her nose often while she's with you.
7. A limp or hanging hand can indicate boredom with you.
8.  When talking to you, her eyes keep glancing at other guys around her.
9.  She makes no effort to talk to you.  She doesn't reply to any of your comments, doesn't answer your questions, and doesn't ask any questions about yourself.  Unless she just doesn't feel good or is moody this could indicate that she's not interested in you and you will be wasting your time.

10.  And last, she just come out and tell you to get lost, go away, go to hell, or ever worse, to fuck off!

P.S. - This article written by Don Diebel (Americas #1 Singles Expert).

Flirting 101: 10 Tips to Make 'em Drool

You don't have to look like Jennifer Anniston or Brad Pitt to make the guys (or girls) go gaga. All you need is your fabulous smile and a few surefire flirting tips like the ones you'll find below to attract the opposite sex like paparazzi to a movie star.

For women, the key is to look approachable enough for men to feel comfortable in taking a risk. For men, the secret is in showcasing your masculinity. (And no, that doesn't mean adjusting yourself or proving once and for all that you are the Belching King.)
Signs to tell a guy likes a girl:

1) Lock Eyes
Lock eyes with the person you're flirting with for a full five to six seconds, then smile and drop your gaze. Don't stare a hole through the guy's forehead for goodness sake, just give him a smoldering come-hither look and look away. Do this at least three times in a ten to fifteen-minute period. Why? Your target needs to know it's them you're flirting with, and eye contact is a universal signal of openness.
2) Smile
Smiling is absolutely the most effective tool in your flirting toolbox. Psychology and body language experts agree that one of the most important things you can do to make yourself more attractive (and approachable) is to smile. Not a giant plastic used car salesman smile, just your normal "I'm having a great time and I'm happy to be here"
face will do the trick. According to body language expert Patti Wood, "the smile is the international signal of friendliness." Guys, if you lock eyes and smiles with a woman three or more times in an evening, you have received a clear signal that she's interested. Make your move, head on over and start up a conversation. If you don't, somebody else will.

3) Be a Vampire's Best Friend
One of the most winning flirting techniques a woman can use is the exposure of her neck. This can be done with a head tilt to one side, the classic hair flip, or my personal favorite, the over-the-shoulder glance - the asymmetrical position attracts attention, exposes your neck, and gives you the opportunity to lock eyes. The over-the-shoulder move is extra-effective because it's sexy and it sends a signal to your target that they are worth a second look.
4) Preen Like A Peacock
We tend to preen or groom ourselves subconsciously when we're attracted to someone, by smoothing down our hair or clothes, checking our lipstick in a compact, or straightening a tie. Try combining a grooming gesture with a smile and a gaze. Another trick? Toss your hair to one side. This classic move is a double whammy that combines preening and a flash of neck. Need we say more?
5) Lip Service
Both men and women are subconsciously attracted to red, moist lips because they signal youth, sex and fertility. How to make the most of it? For women, try wearing a red lipstick (red has been shown to increase a man's heart rate), which not only gives your lips that youthful color, but also makes your smile more visible and your teeth whiter. A super-shiny lip gloss can also give you an advantage, making your lips look moist and kissable. For both men and women, try licking
your lips (subtlety is key here, you don't want to look like you're trying out for a porno flick.) or biting your lower lip - both are extremely effective flirting behaviors.
6) Cross Your Legs (Women)
Crossing and uncrossing your legs is another surefire flirting technique, especially if you're wearing high heels. The act of crossing your legs is quite seductive to men, and it makes them desire to see more. Another key seduction trick is slipping your heel out of your shoe and dangling it on your toes. The arch of the foot sends a sexual message and mimics a woman's curves, and sends a man's heart racing.

7) Square Your Shoulders (Men) 

Women are biologically attracted to more dominant men, so stand tall with your shoulders back. Feel free to take up some space. For men who are victims of the "nice guy" badge, or who appear to be too submissive to attract women, try taking your Y chromosome out for a spin. According to spatial psychologist Albert Mehrabian, men should "try wearing bulkier or more conservative hairstyles or clothing," hold your head up, and speed up your speech and gestures to be more assertive.
8) Let Your Feet Do The Talking
According to body language expert Wood, you want to make yourself a "safe" (read approachable) target. Wood says "to be very approachable women should stand with their feet no farther than 6 inches apart with toes pointed slightly inward. "

For men, appearing more dominant effectively draws female attention. To attract women, stand with your feet 6-10 inches apart, and your toes
pointing outward.
9) Be a Mimic
People mirror each other's body language when they are attracted with similar gestures, voice volume, etc. Try subtly mimicking your flirting target's behavior. If she leans forward, you lean forward. If he scratches his head, you scratch your head. If you are mirroring someone's behavior, they'll begin to feel as though the two of you are
connected and "in tune."
10) Focus, Focus, Focus.
Once you and your flirting target have started talking, use these tips to deepen the attraction. First, smile and maintain eye contact as they are speaking, and focus all of your attention on what they are saying. There is rarely anyone more attractive than someone who finds you utterly fascinating. Other key moves, the nod and the head tilt - signal you're listening to what the other person has to say. Smiling and laughing are crucial here - it's the quickest, easiest way to put another person at ease and make a connection. Finally, another effective flirting technique is low-level touching such as brushing the shoulder or elbow.

How to tell if a woman is flirting with you? Look for the signs above, especially extended eye contact, low-level touching and laughing.

How to tell if a guy is flirting with you? Again, the signs above are fantastic indicators, but men tend to take things a little further by demonstrating their social status with moves that can include, flashing cash and talking about their occupations and (you guessed it) cars.

P.S. - Lisa Daily is the author of Stop Getting Dumped! All you need to know to make men fall madly in love with you and marry "The One" in 3 years

The Signals of Flirting

We all know what a v-sign means -- or do we? Depending on which way the hand is facing you will either interpret it as a sign of victory or a very rude gesture! If you come from the jungles of Peru it might mean absolutely nothing to you at all!
Flirting signs:
Language, be it communicated by the mouth or by the body, is a very complex business indeed. In times gone by women used a complex signalling system involving fans and eyes to flirt. Gay men have a great system of sexual signalling that involves keys, pockets and handkerchiefs! Unfortunately no similar system, sexual or otherwise really exists in the heterosexual world. In the absence of an overt dictionary of signals it’s easy to either get it wrong or miss the signals altogether because our signalling system is mainly unconscious.

We do it all the time. What we need is to polish up our ability to notice and then interpret the signals. When you develop this skill the world becomes a richer place. Opportunities that were previously unnoticed seem to leap out at you from all directions. [I often wonder what an opportunity leaping looks like !].  

Richard Bandler, the founder of NLP, told me that when he ran a flirting class one of the biggest challenges was getting the participants to notice the signals from the opposite sex. He lined up the men and the women, told the women to signal and 97 out of 100 men failed to notice the signals! That's why we will be practising this stuff in the flirting workshops. We need to understand what effect our signals have on others so that we can modify our transmissions to be clearer and more effective. As my friend Jonathan Altfeld says "we have to teach them to become super bio-feedback machines for each other".

Blind Date - a treasure trove

I watch Blind Date every week because it's full of superb examples of signal 'botching'. The couple I watched recently were being filmed on the plane. She was looking at him with the flirtiest eyes I've seen for ages. Her smile, her body movements all said 'I am interested'. Later when they were interviewed she said 'He didn't seem interested'. He said 'she didn't give me any signs'.

What transpired was that because he was a 'touchy-feely' person [his own words] a touch expressed interest for him. He didn't notice her eyes. What would have happened if he had been more aware of the variety of signals that women give out and what would have happened if she had tried using a different sensory system to transmit her signals? I don't know but it's something to think about.

Touch, sight and sound

We communicate via our five senses. Most of us do not utilise our senses equally all the time. When expressing and perceiving data, we often use one system more heavily than another. For example, some of us use 'visual words' like 'a light at the end of the tunnel' as opposed to 'kinaesthetic' words like 'it was a weight off my mind'. The guy on Blind Date described himself as a 'touchy feely' person. 

People who operate out of the 'feeling' sense look for 'feeling' signals. The girl on the other hand kept saying " I looked at you all the time". She expected him to pick up on her very visual signals.. This was clearly a case, not of mixed, but of missed signals!

Interestingly enough another Blind Date series showed a girl telling the camera how she was sure the guy fancied her, even though she didn't feel the same way about him.   I noticed while they were sitting together on the settee and chatting he touched her several times.   His comment to her remark was 'You are mistaking friendliness for fancying you'.   
signs to tell a guy likes a girl:
So, you see, it's not just the girlies that send out the wrong signals. While this was a clear cut example of mixed signals from him, the first example was clearly a case, not of mixed, but of missed signals!

Sharpen up the senses

Flirting isn't just about sending out signals it's about becoming more aware of what other people are doing.
We can learn to fine-tune our senses. When you develop the ability to perceive things like skin colour changes, voice tone, breathing rate changes and eye movement, you are developing your database of signals. When you have enough data you can begin to pattern the information and make sense of signalling. .As this happens you will become more aware of the signals you send out AND the reactions they provoke. .

Man/woman roles

In the Blind Date scenario the man was waiting for the girl to give him signals before he acted. They stuck to the traditional man/woman roles and they both missed out. What would have happened if, instead of waiting for a touch, he sent out his own strong signals? Would she have noticed them? What would she have read them as? This opens up a whole area for debate. When you attend a Flirting Weekend you will have opportunities to explore all these dilemmas and how we can unconsciously precipitate them with careless signalling.. Someone once said to me "Simple awareness is sometimes curative". I like that concept.

Richer signals

Once we are more aware of our signalling mechanisms, we can also learn to vary the signals we give out so that we have more chance of getting our message across. When I touch someone on the shoulder to say a kind word, I make sure my eyes are saying the same thing as my hand and my voice tone. Successful flirts know how to send out the signals without saying a word and when your 'quarry' is seated across a crowded restaurant, that can be a mighty useful skill!

We all have our idiosyncratic signals. Some women twirl their hair or lick their lips, a man might twiddle his tie or rub his chin. There are some commonly used signals and there are some very individual ones. On the Flirting Weekend we do exercises that are geared to fine tuning our ability to a) notice signals and b) respond with clear signals. We delve into the whole world of signals and start to create our own dictionaries which we can add to with each new experience. You will begin to recognise patterns. We can then use those patterns to interpret other people's signals and transmit clearer and richer ones. You can say it with your noses, your lips, your eyes, your posture and even your clothes.

Once you begin to learn this stuff, your interpretation of the world changes and instead of jumping to conclusions you begin to see things in a new light, as you get to grips with the signals of flirting. 

"Faked Confidence" Revisited

Sarah paid for her lunch and looked around for somewhere to sit. Dion was sitting at a table with a couple of friends. . He smiled at her and looked away. Was he flirting with her? She felt her heart pounding faster, noticed those wobbly feelings in her stomach. She could feel her skin flushing and her breathing was erratic. She really really liked him. She had never wanted anything more at that moment than to be able to smile back, walk confidently over to his table, keeping regular eye contact, sit down, look into his eyes and say ‘hi, mind if I sit with you?’.

But she couldn’t do that. No Way. Yuk. Then he’d know she liked him and if he didn’t like her back she’d feel so stupid. Everyone would see her being rejected. she’d feel bad and embarrassed. No Way. She shuddered as she listened to herself telling her how bad it could be. The thought of that was too awful to think about. She couldn’t risk that happening to her. No Way.

She looked away and down to her left, feeling BAD. The feelings in her stomach were different somehow, not pleasant at all. Not like those she had when she thought of Dion and her together. She sat down and slumped forward, toying with her food, a scowl on her face. And anyway, she said to herself, why would he fancy me, I’m too fat, I’ve got a spot on my nose and my ears stick out. She started to feel very depressed. She pushed away her tray, and rushed out of the room. “Another opportunity lost”, she said to herself. “Sarah you are pathetic”.

But somewhere deep down inside lies a good fairy whose task is to make Sarah’s life wonderful. We all have one.

It’s the memory of how we were once before people started telling us stupid stories about how life should, is and must be. It’s who we are, uniquely wonderful, open and happy and curious about the world around us. It’s us smiling and waking up each day thinking about what wonderful things might happen. It’s us knowing what’s wonderful about us and knowing we can have anything we want and the world is a magical place. It’s how we were when we were babies.

We all know how to do it because we can go back into memories of those times, sometimes memories that we can’t consciously recall. And you have had those moments when you were being you, and everything worked out brilliantly.. and that’s what’s going to save Sarah and to save you.

Because what I do is show people how to get back to how they were before they learned how to criticise, hate, despise and be angry with themselves because you don’t match up to someone else’s ideal. The only ideal you have to match up to is that which is you. And if you are feeling bad about yourself, it’s because you are trying to be something you aren’t meant to be. Something that one person or many people over a period of time have told you is the way to be.

You have been programmed with beliefs that may not suit you. If they don’t you can learn to get rid of them and start believing in things that empower you and give you hope and motivate you.

It takes time, and for some they are ready to be shot off into space and soar. Others have to climb out of their hole, shake themselves off.

We all have different ways of learning and making progress in improving our lives. There is no standard only a requirement that you do want to become better and you are prepared to put in the work or play!

In this column, I will be discussing the stuff you write to me about. I get letters from people all over the world, and you know, most people have the same challenges. We give labels to them like Fear of Rejection, or Lack of Self Esteem. But you know, all of them stem from the same thing. If you have these problems, it is because you aren’t being yourself enough or aren’t liking yourself. And one thing I want you to know from the off is that I’m no guru. I don’t sit here living the perfect life telling you all how to live your lifes. I am a person living my life, trying to do what I love doing, pay the rent, help other people, be a friend to people, working on a relationship. I struggle to communicate sometimes and sometimes I wake up feeling depressed or stressed. And each time it happens I think about it, talk about it and write about it and then I have to do what I tell others to do. So I’m in there with you. Sometimes I have ‘fear of rejection’ and I hesitate to communicate. Sometimes I feel unattractive… but I know how to get out of it and get back to being me, at my best, truly wonderful and magnificent..and then life becomes sweet and great. And that’s all I’m offering to you. Some insights, some stories and some things to think about